Standing on the edge…. 8 weeks since kidney donor

I must admit it’s been eight weeks since my surgery and I feel great! I have my energy back, I have no pain and am back to work. I suppose since my health has moved to a better place, its time for me to move on as well!

The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear” Rumi

The reality is I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff with my toes hanging over and not so sure if I want to dive in!

I like being in a place of healing, particularly since it means so much more to me than just the surgery, it includes moving past difficulties of this past year and taking what I’ve learned with me going forward.  However, I find myself afraid to make a move– you know when you have that sense like nothing feels right? I feel this  uneasiness that lies in my core– it’s uncomfortable and as I try to analyze it– I suddenly become aware…… If I dive in do I forget what I’ve learned, where I’ve been? Do I get caught up in my life and is it fear, do I have more painful lessons in front of me?  How do I take the step and hang on to me, to trust, not be afraid and dive into my life along with my full potential?

Like so many things in life … sometimes we get off track!

Perhaps its because I’m tired, perhaps it’s a text on my phone that pulls me and I give it too much power. And more importantly perhaps its my son who sits in a hotel room alone feeling sick from food poisoning.   I am so grateful he is now feeling well enough to get on a plane and go home.

Here I sit paying attention to my energy not wanting tonight to be in vain.  I find as I write this I feel better by the minute, my heart beats faster, my energy has picked up and my fingers move faster on the key board – it’s release.  By simply being aware of these feelings the intensity has dramatically subsided. I do feel better!

Can I reduce the anxiousness in me and find the joy? Will I take the dive into my life and go forward? Of course, it would be too painful to stay in the same place and not near as much fun!

Night Wendy