depression can be part of it… living kidney donor

Its been four and 1/2 months since I donated my kidney. I had to force myself to write this post and be honest.  You see my original thoughts were to write about my personal experience in kidney donation in hopes that it would support someone who was looking to make a decision or simply going through the process.

When I was going through the pretesting for donating my kidney back in August 2012, I was told that 30% of donors go through depression.  My biggest concern at that time was that I could not exercise for six weeks; exercise has always helped me manage my emotions.

However, I was elated after the surgery– I was stronger, wiser and more aware. I had gone through the surgery and was ready to take on the world. After my surgery I visited my oldest son  in LA and then flew to Japan to visit my youngest son. I focused on healing physically and mentally.  I came back to my home in New York after six weeks of traveling and healing and found myself exhausted, happy and relieved. Over the course of the next few weeks, I would work at staying in a place of appreciation and sweeping any questionable emotions under the rug.

For the past two months I didn’t want to consider that it might be depression. However, I was having trouble completing tasks,  not feeling as motivated to start my day and with less energy.  I continued to exercise and eat healthy but still felt the struggle. On New Year’s day I realized this was more than just an off day,  I wasn’t writing, reading, and looking to do things that I enjoyed so much. I have always embraced the new year and realized it was time to do something about it.

Here I am on the sixth day of January and ready to make some changes in my life; to trust my instincts, to get help where I need it and to move out of this state and get back to life.   My son Juliun who is in the vitamin business strongly recommended I take SAM-e along with Vitamin B– it seems to be helping me stay focused and get things done.

We all have our bumps in the road. I am grateful I was able to donate my kidney and look forward to 2013.

Also, I must note. January 7th would have been my son Kyle’s 29th birthday. I found this photo today while cleaning out an old desk. I don’t remember seeing this photo before. I look at it and see myself so young at 24 and how beautiful my first son was!

Eternally grateful.  Wendy

A new year and what have we done…. Kidney donor program

As John Lennon’s song goes “So this is Christmas And what have you done Another year over And a new one just begun” With a new year upon us I find myself reflecting on what I have done in 2012 and where I am going in 2013. Donating my kidney just four and half months ago left me feeling like I had done something remarkable in 2012. I helped my brother and potentially saved a life through the kidney donor program.  Holding on to that feeling of worthiness and gratitude would be beneficial, however I find myself gettingWendy November 2012 overwhelmed and lost in my own issues.

My sister Audrey and I discussed worthiness on the phone today. Do I feel worthy?  What is our passion? What are we meant to do with our lives? How do we find meaning?  To me it’s who we are in this world, each of us has the ability to be the change in the world we live in. We can support each other and choose to be compassionate to one another.  It’s not always easy particularly when we get caught up in our own lives! One thing I have learned in the past year is that we are all in this together.

It feels like the North East has got hit hard in the past two months. Starting with the disaster “Sandy” leaving so many people homeless, then the shooting of innocent children in Connecticut and the most recent shootings of the fireman in our own hometown. We can all recognize energy when a friend or family member is angry or sad –we feel it. I think of the sadness and the fear that affects so many of us in the past two months and its good to feel the heartfelt stories of communities coming together at this time.

And so we embark on a new year. For me– my goals are not to get caught up in my own fears and to live a life of gratitude and openness. To continue to do yoga, eat healthy, work hard, trust my instincts and let go of the negative thoughts in my head that often leave me feeling seperate from others.

Happy New Year! Cheers to a healthy and peaceful year in 2013.

Night Wendy